WTF It's April? [Schiff Happens Quarterly Review]

College basketball is over,* baseball has (finally!) begun - it's April. In what feels like a flash, we're already a quarter of the way into 2010. It's time for a look back - and a look ahead. In the spirit of my recent return to the workforce (more on that momentarily), it's time for an official Schiff Happens First Quarter Review.

Entering Q1, Schiff Happens was at a crossroads, still reeling from the epic suckfest of a year so brutal it can't even be spoken of by name. Yet out of the shitheap came a glimmer of hope, dreams of promise for a great year in 2010. There were big challenges and high expectations ahead.**

We started off Q1 by bidding a bittersweet farewell to the Greatest Reality TV Show in the History of Ever. I was high from all the hairspray fumes I inhaled getting ready for the finale party, so it took me a few extra days to let it go. Not to worry, though, fist-pumpers. Looking ahead, we should be lucky enough to have Sitch, Snooks, Pauly D and the whole gang back in our lives - hopefully late Q2, almost certainly early Q3. As if it were possible, the show will become even less Jersey, as season 2 will take place in Miami.

Another Q1 highlight: The Schiff Happens name made the jump across the pond. I was interviewed by a BBC documentary crew and poised to appear alongside such Internet royalty as Al Gore, Tim Berners-Lee and Bill Gates. However, the BBC web player only allowed you to access the show from inside the UK. Oh, sweet irony! I wondered, "If you get interviewed by a prestigious international television network for being the guy who defriended his facebook friends for a free Whopper, and nobody in America can watch it, did it really happen?" It's the age-old philosophical conundrum. However, I am delighted to report that as we enter Q2, the show has at least made its way to YouTube. Enjoy the video below and have at it in the comments.



My primary Q1 objective was always to get a job, but due to financial constraints, that missive quickly morphed into "Generate income by any means necessary." I found myself taking a part-time gig shilling sneakers in one of New York's oldest sporting goods stores, which, as part-time gigs go, really wasn't bad. Frankly, it forced me to drag my ass out of bed in the morning, shed the Snuggie of unemployment, and begin to rejoin the rest of society. In the end, I'm grateful that the opportunity came along. As always seems to be the case, my job search was a case of feast or famine, and after months of turning up nothing, contacts were being established and networks were expanding almost immediately upon starting my new role. Within a few weeks I was interviewing and, I am excited to say, accepted a brand new full-time job. I try not to to mix business with the proceedings around here, but I will say that I am working at one of the top young internet companies around right now, I'm surrounded by bright, focused people in a laid back atmosphere that encourages creativity, and am extremely well-nourished thanks to the greatest office kitchen I have ever been around.

In addition to getting me re-focused and refreshed, working in the sporting goods store also led to something of a running renaissance for me. Spending so much time around running shoes, runners and the sport of running in general inspired me to sign up for a half marathon and train seriously for the first time since my high school glory days. All of a sudden, I'm on a team for charity and committed to run the ING New York City Marathon in November. More on all this to follow in the weeks and months ahead (and trust me, there will much more because you're all going to be donating), but for now I hope you'll direct your attention to Schiff Happens' most recent side venture: Run, Schiff, Run! Follow my awesome Tumblr for every mile - if you ever run with me or come watch me cross a finish line, I'll be sure you get a cameo. Running: an unexpected Q1 development that created new goals to carry us through Q2, 3, and 4. Who knew?

In the final post of Q1, I promised a future post on Festival Season, but looking ahead to Q2 and beyond, it's simply an impossibility that Schiff Happens will be able to attend one of the most perfectly constructed festivals in recent memory (of this generation?) or make a repeat appearance at the big 'Roo, which gets ever-more enticing each time you put it away and come back to it. So what does that leave us, musically, going forward? For starters, a lot of vicarious living. I've been loving The Kickdrums' Indio Sessions mixtapes for the last couple of weeks (Day 1, Day 2) and am excited for the release of Day 3 to complete the set. We're also left with prayers for miracles. There's a less than minuscule, impossible chance that I may be in New Orleans with the new job for the last 3 days of April, positioning me perfectly for Weekend 2 of Jazz Fest. Send the good vibes my way, people!

Mostly, though, we're now charged with creating an old-fashioned summer tour out of the local shows at our disposal, unaided by a huge festival to help catch all the big names of the now. That means Lupe Fiasco (with opening act b.O.b., which, truth be told, I may be more excited for) this Saturday night at Irving Plaza. That means I'm still intrigued by the possibility of checking out newly reformed Sublime With Rome at Roseland Ballroom in May. I know it's not the same without Brad, but Sublime remains one of my favorite bands of all time and I'm willing to see what Eric and Bud have to offer with a new frontman. That means the big musical story of the summer will be Phish. Again. A year after I said 5 shows in one summer was too many, I'll be heading out to 4 in 3 cities from late-Q2 to mid-Q3 Amazing how the more things change, the more they stay the same.

The end of Q1 has brought back the gorgeous weather and Sundays in Central Park that we longed for throughout the snowy, frigid winter. We've got more than a few excellent positives to build on as we forge deeper into 2010, a year that began with such high hopes.*** The seeds have been planted and we're on the verge of greatness, now we just have to see it through. Of course, we can still improve - not a single Springsteen mention in an entire quarterly report?! - but so far, 2010, you're so money and you don't even know it.****


*Sitting down to author this post as the starting lineups are being introduced. I don't see it shaking out this way, but I really hope Butler takes down the Dookies. Wouldn't be the first time Schiff Happens looked on and blogged in amazement while an unlikely upstart took down Coach K's cake eaters.

**I'm still dreaming of a world where Butler beats Duke in the NCAA Championship. Still don't think it will happen, but the Bulldogs are putting up a fight (down 2 with the ball 8:21 to go in the 1st half)

***High hopes including watching Duke lose in the NCAA Tournament Championship Game... to Butler. Bulldogs have the ball with 13 seconds left, trailing by just 1. If this happens, anything truly is possible for us good guys in 2010. Could it be???

****Gordon Hayward just missed a potential game-winner for Butler that was nearly identical to Sean Singletary's game-winner vs. Duke in the game referenced above. Freakin' Duke. At least Singler got trucked on the final play. This game is over, and this post needs to be too. G'night, Canada!

Friday Jams are back on the eve of Worldwide Fame

Hey there, Schiff Heads! I know Ive been gone for a minute, but I told you things would be different in 2010 and that I'd never leave you hanging indefinitely like I did a few times back in The Year That Was Naught, and I'm sticking to my promise.

In the coming days we'll be breaking down the lineups for my three favorite festivals coming up this season and trying to decide which one you should be zeroing in on if you can only attend one, as all early signs indicate will be the case for Schiff Happens. However, the focus today is once again my ever-expanding global fame.

That's right, friends and fans of Schiff, the glorious moment is upon us! Tomorrow night on BBC Two, the final installment of The Virtual Revolution, starring the one and only Schiff Happens as "The Whopper Guy," airs for the whole world to see. Now, in this case, "The whole world" does not necessarily refer to the United States, or anywhere outside of the UK. However, the full episodes (at least the first 2) have been included in what the show's site is calling its 3D Documentary Explorer, a nifty little device that allows you to watch the shows in full, or explore individual elements in depth via a web of interconnected sites related to elements of each episode. Hopefully, Episode 4 will follow suit in due time. If not, we'll be here, waiting on pins and needles for The Virtual Revolution to finally land on BBC America.

So to celebrate this momentous achievement in Schiff Happens fame, we're bringing back a long-forgotten tradition that never should have been abandoned. Ladies and gentlemen, a warm welcome back to Friday Jams!

It's only appropriate that this week's Friday Jams feature a meeting of great minds from New York City and England, and with that in mind we give to you something we've been meaning to share for a minute now: Wu-Tang Vs. The Beatles: Enter The Magical Mystery Chambers.

I know you might be thinking, "Damn it, Schiff, another mash-up!?" or "Didn't Dangermouse already do this on The Grey Album?" but this isn't what you're used to, or what you're expecting. Turns out a 28-year-old music teacher from Brighton, England named Tom Caruana spent two months putting this together, going beyond the typical mash-up style of just slapping a vocal track over a different beat. Chambers mashes Wu-Tang a capellas with archival sound from interviews and newsreels, alternate instrumental samples and cover versions of Beatles classics, creating a new kind of mashup altogether. It had been downloaded over 27,000 times as of last month, and it's sort of amazing. Plus, the genius behind it is a freaking music teacher, an everyday bum like the rest of us, who says that if he ever met Paul or Ringo he'd say “'Cheers for putting in the great work over the years. You’re legends.' And then give them a high-five and run off quickly.” And if that doesn't get you, just look at him.



Ah-dorable.

Now go download it (It has been pulled from Caruana's site but that link will let you at least listen to it and points you to a direct download link. Sorry, best I could do), then keep an eye out over the weekend for your favorite international superstar. Like our friends across the pond might chant at their soccer matches, there's only one Schiff Happens.

Schiff Happens Has Officially Gone International [Fame]

Those of you who have stuck with me since the beginning might recall that around this time last year (almost to the day, wow), Schiff Happens rose to national prominence when I was featured in the New York Times as the world's foremost expert on defriending people on Facebook in exchange for a free Whopper sandwich from Burger King. Word of my fame eventually traveled across the pond to the UK, and towards the end of The Year That Was Naught, Schiff Happens took the next step toward world domination when I was interviewed about the same topic on camera by the BBC. You read that correctly - the freaking BBC! We international, baby!

Unfortunately, I managed to blog through the entire Rest Of '09 without mentioning this little nugget of awesomeness (Or, I should say, quarter-pounder of awesomeness. See what I did there?). It happened during the World Series, so I guess it got lost in the shuffle of me attending Game 2 for free and meeting Uncle Jesse. Makes sense, really. I mean...Stamos. Anyway, it turns out that throughout the last year, the BBC had been putting together a massive documentary project about the World Wide Web, looking back at 20 years of the Internet to try and express how it has dramatically changed our world and predict where it might be heading. Pretty intriguing stuff. The fourth episode of the series is all about how the Web has changed the nature of human interaction, and in their research the producers at the BBC had stumbled upon the Whopper Sacrifice and fallen in love with its subversive nature (as I had) as a case study in how we define friendship on the web. They contacted me via Facebook, naturally, and asked me if I would be willing to tell my Whopper story on camera, and ultimately be featured in the project. I can vividly recall Susanna Posnett, the Assistant Producer who first spoke to me about the show, telling me in her classic English accent, "My director told me to find a Whopper Guy and, well, you're my Whopper Guy." Now if that doesn't scream "You've made it," I don't know what does.

I was happy to oblige, and the rest, as we say around here, is history. About a week after that initial conversation, I was sitting in a midtown diner next to Dr. Aleks Krotoski, the host of the documentary, telling the tale that made Schiff Happens famous. A cameraman stood behind the diner counter and filmed us as we conversed, with matching plates of burgers and fries in front of us, about the utter hilarity inherent in deleting an online relationship with ten people you probably weren't even friends with in the first place for the equivalent of one-tenth of a fast food sandwich that you probably didn't even want to eat in the first place. It was an extremely fun and memorable experience, made even more rewarding by the high praise I received from Krotoski, Posnett, and director Molly Milton, who agreed that I was one of their favorite interviews of the entire series. To put that in perspective, these people traveled the globe interviewing all-time geniuses and Internet hall-of-famers including Bill Gates, Al Gore, Arianna Huffington, Stephen Fry, Mark Zuckerberg, and Tim Berners-Lee. Oh, you say you invented the World Wide Web? I'm sorry, I wasn't listening - I'm the Whopper Guy!

This is all to bring you up to speed and let you know that the series, titled "The Virtual Revolution," started last night with Episode 1: "The Great Leveling?" on BBC 2, and debuts at the end of February on BBC World. The series will be broadcast in the US, so all of you, my tens of adoring fans, will definitely be able to watch my leap from mere national fame to worldwide superstardom. Dates for American airings are still being sorted out, but I am in contact with the show's directors and will be sure to get that info to you as soon as it's available. They've also promised me DVD copies of the entire thing, so maybe we'll get a special Schiff Happens screening together. For now, check out the preview video below, follow the series on Twitter @BBCDigRev, and be sure to check out the program's official web site. It's chock full of interviews and source video and all kinds of great information on the series, and is in itself a must-see example of open source goodness for all you Internetty types. In fact, as incentive for you to see what it's all about, Schiff Happens will personally buy a free Whopper meal for the first person who can find me in the annals of the Virtual Revolution site. I promise, I'm there somewhere.

Until then, stay tuned right here. Schiff Happens, the global phenomenon coming soon to a burger joint near you.

Conan and Sandler Flip Off NBC, Jersey Shore Rips Off This Blog

Last night was noteworthy as far as Schiff Happens late night tv watching is concerned, which is completely unrelated to the fact that this post is first going up around 3pm. Completely unrelated.

First, Adam Sandler made a fantastic appearance on the Tonight Show as one of Conan OBrien's final guests (check the full show here to see how Conan wasted $1.5 million of NBC's money, and witness the return of an old furry friend). Sandler, rocking the faded green Jets tee (Gang Green don't say I never gave you any love!), serenaded the host and revealed the story of how he and Chris Farley didn't leave Saturday Night Live on their own terms but were actually fired by NBC in 1995 despite being pretty much the funniest humans on the planet at the time. The moment recalled better days at SNL and NBC, when Conan, Sandler, Farley and a generation of standard-bearing comedians collaborated each week to produce some of the most hilarious moments we've ever witnessed. But it also served to show that genius truly is so often unappreciated in its time. The interview fittingly ended when Sandler summed

things up with his then-manager's reaction to the situation those 15 years ago (and Smellson's new favorite quote from now on I can almost guarantee), "NBC: Nothin But C***s!"

After that, I caught "Jersey Shore: Spoof'd!" on MTV. It has apparently been rerunning for a week already, but try as I might, I can't be everywhere this insanely overexposed show is all the time, so I was seeing it for the first time. It was a collection of all the spoofs and sketches that have been passed around to no end since the show stormed into our lives as the greatest reality train wreck in television history, and was noteworthy for just one reason: If the guidos liked a clip, they threw a fist pump as a seal of approval, complete with a fancy graphic.

This is important because, as my tens of faithful readers will no doubt concur, the whole gimmick, is just a repackaged ripoff of The Jersey Fist - my Jersey Fist! I invented rating things on a scale of fist pumps, damn it! I had even just recently resized this photo, featured in this post, to serve as our new official Jersey Fist in future posts.

It's the same as MTV's graphic! Unbelievable. These are the perils of being famous. You pay homage to the glory of the great Garden State and a bunch of Sleaseside guidos rip you off.

So how do we plan to fire back at this outrage, you ask? Well, Schiff Happens is here to officially announce the Jersey Shore Boycott! Won't you join me? Just say "No" to guidos!

Just kidding. I could never stay mad at you, Shnookieshpookies. Finale party is officially on tonight, and the RonRon juice will be flowing! Drop me a line for details. Until then, can we please get Snooks into one of those Snickers commercials? I can see it now...

Inside Karma, a crowd of guidos are battling on the floor.

Voiceover: "Hungry? Grab a Snickers!"

Russ aka "Ron" grabs Snooki and takes her for a piggy-back ride to the beach, where he proceeds to not fuck her. Snooki returns to the house, dejected.

Snookers: "Waaahhh! Nobody wants to f*** me in this town! What the f***?! I'm the f***ing Princess of F***ing Poughkeepsie!"

RonRon: "Still not smushed, err, satisfied? Would you f*** a Gatorade bottle at this point? Try one of these."

Tosses Snickers a Snickers, who voraciously sucks the nuts out of the candy bar, then proceeds to do herself with it.

Snooks: "What? I eat it a certain way!"

It basically writes itself.

Rupert Jee does not appreciate your blog neglect

I get so mad at myself each time i come back to one of these blog neglect posts. I'm going to do the same thing this time as I always have when confronted with a dearth of inspiration or an apparent lack of available hours in the day: resolve to write more, stay creating, and soak up all the things that make me happy.

There really has been a ton going on, too. It's like the boulder has just begun gathering steam, and I get the feeling that summer is going to get here and crush everything in its path like a steamroller. But that's no excuse not to express something close to a story, an insight, a joke, a passing thought, a couple of times a week. If anything, I should have that much more to say.

What bothers me most is that while I haven't been posting, I've been tweeting away at the exact same rate as I ever have (as you can see just to your left in ye olde sidebar). I've definitely used twitter as a crutch, which is ridiculous because twitter sucks now anyway (SuperNews, you're really outdoing yourselves).

I guess I'll close for now with a story I've been meaning to tell for too long. Two weeks ago I was on my way to play volleyball for (soon to be ZogSports' first ever Schportng Sampler champions) team Purple Haze when I had a little bogus celebrity moment. My schporting activities are a different post entirely, but I got you, don't worry.

So I'm walking down 53rd St, and I realize I'm going to need some H20 for the game. I follow what looks to be a father/son duo - a pair of slightly portly fellows wearing matching 5k race shirts and looking like they could use some hydration themselves - into the first storefront I pass. Glancing inside I can see a deli counter and a fridge with cold beverages. Perfect.

I don't even realize I'm in Hello Deli until I go to reach for my water and I have to excuse myself around a photo op with Dad and the one and only Rupert Jee. Now, being a bit of a big deal myself, I'm not at all thrown by the sight of one of New York's most beloved late show punch lines. The Dad in the 5k race t-shirt, however, is awestruck, thanking Rupert and telling him, "I've been in here before, but you weren't around." Grabbing two Poland Springs out of the fridge, I can't help but overhear Rupert's response:

"Hey, man, I gotta work."

And I smile.

UPDATE: Wow, this is why I love the internet. A Google image search for Rupert Jee reveals a pretty damn accurate approximation of the exact photo op moment I accidentally walked into. Only difference is instead of me grabbing bottles of water in the background, there appears to be a sweat-soaked Kevin Youkilis struggling to interpret the directions on his beverage.

Oh, and one last thing. Looks like that Countdown to Bonnaroo really worked out. Riiiiight. So, about that -- the last countdown mention came with 65 days to go. As I type, we are exactly 30 days away froom the Big Rooskie.


Well you better learn to move fast when you're young or you're not long around
Cat somehow lost his Kitty down in the city pound
So get right, get tight, get down
Well who's that down at the end of the alley?
She's been gone so long

Opening Day is for everyone [the one with dinosaurs!]

Another Opening Day is in the books, and although the Yankees really let me down, it was still by any measure another fun and festive Opening Day. My favorite part was that it was chock full of baseball related goodness completely unrelated to anything happening on a field today.

First up, a bunch of fackin' hippies are going to kick off Phish's tour at Fenway. Thankfully, I'll be in Canada when this happens, so I won't even have to consider attending. Yes, we've established that I enjoy my Phish music, but if you've ever experienced the sardine-can seating at Fenway or stood next to a hippie you can imagine the olfactory misery that will ensue on May 31. If I have to say anything nice about it, the promo video for the concert on Phish.com is fan-fackin-tastic. In fact, these videos have been somewhat of a Phish 3.0 revelation. You may recall that the last such clip, announcing the band's late summer tour, eventually led us to the Fagot Farm in Georgetown, TX. I'll get you linked up to the rest of those vids at the bottom of this post, but I'm getting away from my intended point, which is that today's concert announcement gave me occasion to revisit what is widely recognized* as the greatest musical moment ever at Fenway Park. It had to be, because I witnessed it firsthand during my only visit to see the Green Monstah.
(*not recognized by anyone)

It happened during an annual summer baseball stadium pilgrimage. In 2007, the destination city was Boston, and our crew unsuspectingly -- and drunkenly -- stumbled into a moment that really was beyond description. I know that's a corny way to set up the clip, but it's true! And that's saying nothing of the fact that my memories of these baseball trips are often wobbly at best.



The second bit of opening day fun that happened today was a shout-out from Deadspin. This comes as no surprise, of course, given that we're famouser than Captain Kangaroo around here, but it made me happy that the internet got to enjoy one of my favorite road trip moments, the T-Rex first pitch. Going into Chicago/Milwaukee 2008, we weren't sure anything could top the previous summer's national anthem moment. Little did we know we were about to witness a Ceremonial First Pitch Fail 65 million years in the making.



I was stunned to see this linked on Deadspin personally, because it is in fact Schiff Happens original footage. My 2 favorite comments were Hurdleguy04 on YouTube mocking Wurm's cackle, and Buccos on Deadspin being spot-on hilarious.

So there, I'm totally capable of doing an Opening Day post that everyone can enjoy. And I didn't even gripe about the fackin Yankees (I let Jay take care of that).

Now let the UNC rout continue for one more half so that I can win some money and the ACC can once again dominate the Big 10. If only my overrating of the ACC overall hadn't let me down in the first 2 rounds, I might be able to do better than second place. And yes, I really picked UNC over Michigan State in the final and still can't win my pool.

In other words, Happy Opening Day, Happy Spring, welcome back Baseball.

Phish 3.0 tour announcement videos:
Late Summer 2009
Summer 2009
Hampton
Bonnaroo (only sort of related, but come on, it's been a while since I mentioned it. Speaking of which, you're still invited--65 days!).

He's baaaaaack

The King rides again! And this time, he's a total pimp! Oh King, you sly boots....

I'd call this the return of the Mac, but I have way too much love for the Whopper to insult The King like that.

This photo, courtesy of @ELROSS, apparently depicts the festivities at today's grand opening of Burger King's first ever Whopper Bar at CityWalk, Universal Orlando Resort's shopping and entertainment complex. From USA Today:

There won't be any alcohol but there will be meat and lots of it.

Customers can customize their Whopper, Double Whopper or Steakhouse XT burger with up to 22 different toppings, including steak sauce, smoked bacon and guacamole. Burger King workers will add the toppings in front of customers for a sushi bar-like atmosphere.

No alcohol and lots of meat? Smells like a party at That Dick's place! (I kid, Smellson, I kid). Personally I fail to see how ordering your burger at a sushi bar-like setup is any different from ordering it at the usual cattle call-like setup, but if you know me, you know that if I were at all nearby I'd be right up in there now if for no other reason than this. (Whatever, @ELROSS - your free burger won't alienate people and make you famous, so suck on that!)

Which reminds me, it's lunchtime and I've still got this puppy in my wallet. Methinks it's time to commemorate the Return of The King.

(UPDATE: @ELROSS is apparently an even bigger Burger King fanboy than yours truly, and he was all over this monumental event, live and in person, as it unfolded. Check out his Twitpic photostream for the full experience. You have to admit you want a bite)

Burger King to Open First Whopper Bar [USA Today]

Previously:
The post that started it all: Because "People you may know" sounds nicer than "People you don't like"
The first update: Apologies for my absence, please accept my humble Whopper Sacrifice
The article: Friends, Until I Delete You [New York Times]
The fame: Schiff Happens in the New York Times [We're totally famous now!]
The beef: NYTimes facebook beef [Nontroversy]
The persistence: The King can't be stopped
The poor bastard: The King Works In Mysterious Ways [Another Whopper Freakout]

Free Quiznos (and it won't cost you a single friend)

Check it out, another fast food restaurant giving stuff away for free!


I got my coupon, now go get yours and come back here to comment so we can settle on a Free Quiznos Day for all of my Schiff Happens peoples to get our free subs en masse (including you, random French guy I repeatedly see in the Stat Counter).

Of course, if you want to get famous from free fast food, you're gonna have to make some sacrifices.

The King works in mysterious ways [Another Whopper Freakout]

Yea yea, we're famous, I know, can’t we talk about anything else? Try as I might to show off my versatility, the Whopper Sacrifice Facebook New York Times Schiff Happens pandemonium continues to sweep the nation. Just tonight I got a shout out from a friend in Chicago who spotted me, and over the weekend I got a friend request from a certain vindictive, passive-aggressive facebooker. But the Whopper Freakout Of The Week happened on Saturday night. I was talking to my good old buddy, Stone, about his meeting with Facebook that he recently mentioned in the comments (albeit way too late), and the following dialogue transpired:

Stone: Schiff-ha, facebook took it down but it’s still in my profile.
me: Yea, mine too, but if you click it you get directed to a page that says “Whopper Sacrifice has been sacrificed.”
Stone: Schiff-ha, I know, but I was pretty bummed because I didn’t get all the way to unfriending ten people. /looks up with hangdog eyes. I only got 6.
me: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

What a bugout. I blog some bullshit about defriending ten people I don’t even know for a scrumptious, free Whopper, next thing I know I’m famous. Then I blog some bullshit about the success of the Whopper Sacrifice, and I wonder who the poor sonofabitch was who only got through axing six friends and couldn’t earn his free burger when the application got pulled down after 233,906 friends were sacrificed. I even joked that the reporter who wrote the story should try to track down the sorry excuse for a burger lover and find out how he could possibly disgrace himself in such away, and not three days later I hit on a 1-in-23,000 chance of finding the em-effer. As if that weren't enough, I legitimately know him and have been good friends with him for years (although only recently learned about his sock-throwing antics). I really must have awoken the beef gods, because the Whopper Sacrifice continues to have a life of its own. Every time I think it’s going to fizzle out, it returns, so I’m gonna assume I haven’t heard the last of this. Long live the King.



Previously:
The post that started it all: Because "People you may know" sounds nicer than "People you don't like"
The first update: Apologies for my absence, please accept my humble Whopper Sacrifice
The article: Friends, Until I Delete You [New York Times]
The fame: Schiff Happens in the New York Times [We're totally famous now!]
The beef: NYTimes facebook beef [Nontroversy]
The persistence: The King can't be stopped

Who decides? The Boss decides.

In lieu of a traditional Friday Jams, which have earned me letters from the RIAA 2 of the last 4 times, we're gonna play a little game of Guess Springsteen's Super Bowl Setlist.

Rolling Stone already accidentally put the kibosh on any chance for you to make money off of your ability to guess what the E Streeters play on Sunday, having successfully figured out that "Any other combination" was probably the best place to lay your money, as opposed to four other randomly generated sets of 4 songs that would have to appear exactly in order for you to be a winner. Sheer genius, why didn't I think of that?

Fortunately, The Boss and his Band are in jovial spirits as they prepare for the big show (without us, way to answer the call, people) and even offered a rare press conference - his first since 1987 (I mean...really?). Fun topics covered Thursday:

• The size of the audience, something that shouldn't phase a man who has made a 30-year career bringing rock to the fist-pumping stadium masses and earlier this month performed at the biggest, most historic Presidential inauguration ever: “You’ll have a lot of crazy football fans, but you won’t have Lincoln staring over your shoulder. That takes some of the pressure off.”
• The timing of the performance and the release of the band's new album: “This is the year. I really believe our band is going through a golden age.” Lulling us to sleep for 30 years and then pouncing at just the precise moment - you sly boots Bruce.
• The decision to finally play the Super Bowl, after years of turning down the invitation: “We have a new album coming out. We have our mercenary reasons, of course. Besides our deep love of football, blah-blah-blah.”
• His aforementioned deep affection for the great American game of football: “I don’t know anything about it. I did play the game in my backyard around the summer of 1958. I haven’t played a lot since. When I hear Steelers, I think Terry Bradshaw.” Yes, Terry Bradshaw who last played a professional football game 26 years ago. Funny because when I hear Steelers, I think Pittsburgh hotties, and when I hear Terry Bradshaw, I think f-bombs.

Perhaps most importantly, The Boss gave us a teeny tiny glimmer of what to expect Sunday, promising "a 12-minute party," and reminding everyone that there's nobody out there who can possibly predict the 4-song setlist.

"Who decides? The Boss decides," he said.

Alright, so maybe there's one guy who can call the set. For the rest of us who aren't the most badass rocker of all time, we can only pump our fists while simultaneously belting out "Glory Days" and stuffing our pie-holes with egregious amounts of our favorite Ranch-flavored, deep-fried, made-in-America grease nugget of choice, and hope he plays four straight songs just for us. So here's my call (and you gotta call it in order, because no one, anywhere, ever has predicted a full set list in order): My Lucky Day, Promised Land, Dancing in the Dark (with Chad Ocho Cinco dancing on stage), Born To Run (with full house lights blazing).

What's your call?

One more item for the Boss Watch: Great New York Times story by John Pareles about the new record and rehearsals for the big show. And speaking of the NYT, why, what's that little box to the right of the story?

Third most popular story you say? I can see trailing the inauguration, but billable hours at law firms? "Our top story tonight, grass grows beside drying paint." Seriously? Thank you, glorious nation of Schiff Happens, for making third place possible, but there's still room to grow. Yes we can!

The King Can't Be Stopped

Slate's Chadwick Matlin weighs in on the Whopper Sacrifice, joining the ranks of prominent web media types who have reported on this story yet neglected to mention yours truly.
And for those of you who will try to tell me that this story is tired and nobody cares anymore, at the very least, this video will expose you to the fun new word, "Blogorrhea," which you can then utilize in the comments until that gets tired and nobody cares anymore.

NYTimes facebook beef [nontroversy]

Gawker and their network of scurrying, wonky little blogging gnomes are on top of the New York Times story, although for some reason I can't understand, they don't give one single mention of yours truly. They've been coming down pretty hard on our buddy Mr. Quenqua as a passive aggressive type who turned his Thursday Styles assignment into an entire article written solely to publicly settle an old online score and blast a former colleague and un-friend identified in the story only as "Ehren S."

Personally, I found this to be an outrage. Mr. Quenqua was courteous, funny, engaging, and seemed like just the type of person I'd want to forge a virtual association with based on a one-time conversation conducted solely for business purposes. Plus, where's the shoutout to me? I don't need to be at the center of this dust-up, but at least throw my name in the ring. For kricesakes, any publicity is good publicity! For shame, Gawker. For shame.

Apparently, reckless defriender "Ehren S." wrote in to Gawker to fire back, once again making no mention of Schiff Happens, which certainly makes her deserving of the Whopper Sacrifice.

You may recall:
The article: Friends, Until I Delete You [New York Times]
The post that started it all: Because "People you may know" sounds nicer than "People you don't like"
Yesterday's update: Apologies for my absence, please accept my humble Whopper Sacrifice

Schiff Happens in the New York Times [We're totally famous now!]

More beef? Better taste? Okay fool, I'll let you live...

It's Thursday already, and while I'm still feeling under the weather from whatever random stomach flu I decided to come down with Tuesday morning, I'm recovered enough to the point where I'd rather suck it up and go back to work than sacrifice the additional days off. Therefore, it is with a lingering rumble in my gullet that I bring to you the joyous breaking news: The New York Times story hit newsstands this morning. Looks like Schiff Happens has finally reached the big time - famouser than you since 2009!

Many thanks to Karen for setting the whole thing up and to Douglas Quenqua for writing a thoroughly enjoyable article. I think it would only be apropos for us to commemorate this great moment by becoming Facebook friends (or enjoying our free Whoppers together), although I have to admit a tiny bit of dismay over Schiff Happens not getting a mention by name. After all the great pub I gave your little New York Times...

I've already started to hear from people who have seen the story, including a message from Africa (yea, that's right, international, baby!) and all I can say is it's fun. You wouldn't believe me if I told you, but I'm actually an old pro at this, having been quoted in the NYT before. So now when you show this humble little (now world-famous) weblog to your friends and co-workers, you can assure them that it is in fact a credible source of inane, idle silliness. Hopefully this means more big things to come for Schiff Happens and our extended fam. For now, just keep reading and commenting, add SH to your reader device of choice or join as a follower while I go out and buy 5 copies of today's Times for my mother.

The article: Friends, Until I Delete You [New York Times]
The post that started it all: Because "People you may know" sounds nicer than "People you don't like"
Yesterday's update: Apologies for my absence, please accept my humble Whopper Sacrifice

Apologies for my absence, please accept my humble Whopper Sacrifice

I haven't posted in almost a week. I'm so upset with myself. At this rate, Arnold Diaz is gonna be climbing into my room from my balcony with a camera crew any minute now. That's one quick little dude.

Anyway, a couple of weekends ago I wrote that I was going to make a better effort to spread the knowledge more on the non-9-to-5 days. The next day I mentioned that I had already gotten back a bit of good karma before I had even finished said post, and promised to follow up on that in due time. Two weeks later, I have one weekend post to show for it and still haven't updated on the karma situation, so here it finally is.

Like I said, I was in the middle of writing a random enough post when a friend of mine who works in PR told me that she had responded to a query from the New York times which she thought I'd be perfect for. Turns out that some reporter was putting together a story for which he needed to interview someone who had successfully used the Burger King "Whopper Sacrifice" Facebook application, so she quickly responded to the query, told this guy all about me, and even attached a Schiff Happens post which, as loyal readers will recall, outlined my discovery and subsequent gleeful completion of the Whopper Sacrifice. In fact, just a day before all this happened, I received a most welcome surprise in my mail:

Maybe it was only a matter of time before all of this came together. Maybe the Whopper gods really received my sacrifice and were smiling down upon me from a flame-broiled paradise in burger heaven. Whatever the reason, my friend seemed very excited to tell me that there was a great chance that this NYTimes reporter would contact me for an interview, and of course, he did.

Without revealing too much, I will say that I spoke to a reporter named Doug Quenqua, a friendly and professional guy who was more than willing to listen to me babble on at length about why I think it's awesome to unfriend people on facebook, how I confused several people into thinking they had in fact been sacrificed with my cryptic status message, and why I decided to take on the Whopper Sacrifice in the first place.

NYTimes: So, you decided to install and use this application because you really love Whoppers, right?
Schiff Happens: Um.... well... not exactly.

The conversation was great, as I said, but the best part was when Doug said to me, seemingly expecting me to have known already, that facebook had pulled the popular application because it violated their privacy policy. The Whopper Sacrifice had been sacrificed!

(Gratuitous Parenthetical Side Note: 233,906 friends sacrificed for Whoppers! That means over 23,000 people out there besides me value a sandwich more than 10 facebook friends. And what about the one poor bastard who only got through 6 friends before fb shut down the app? Quenqua needs to get that guy on the phone, asap!)

Something about people getting a message from Burger King telling them "You've had your friendship sacrificed for a Whopper, and here's the guy that did it," didn't sit well with facebook I suppose. At the time, this was shocking news to me. I had absolutely no clue, which Doug found hilarious. Because it was removed from facebook so quickly, it had taken Doug a while just to find someone who had actually installed the application and used it to completion, despite its apparent popularity. We had a little laugh over this and wrapped things up, and since then we've been in touch, with me squaring away minor details ("Actually I'm 25, not 30") and him giving me the info on where and when I can hope to find the story ("Looks more like next week. I got bumped this week for Obama - so SICK of that guy!").

So, dear readers, I am elated to report to you that in due time, you will be able to read all about yours truly and the glory of the Whopper Sacrifice in the Style section of the New York Times. I have to admit that it was truly an honor to have a writer for the New York (freaking) Times read and compliment my blog, and even quote it to me in the midst of my interview. I don't know about you, but I don't typically wake up int he morning thinking, "Today is the day. A New York Times reporter is gonna call me up today and say, 'Hey, I really enjoyed your blog. Pretty funny stuff. And I had never seen those YouTubes before! Stupid Cleatus the FOX robot...'" Having it happen (even if not exactly like that) makes me feel like I'm doing something right.

I guess in the end it's really true what they say. If you work hard, and step on as many facebook friends you weren't really friends with in the first place along the way, you will definitely get famous. See you in the NYT - don't worry, I promise not to forget about the little people.