Did you wear your pajamas inside out and backwards last night hoping it would snow?
If you're older than age 11, congratulations, you are an asshole. I hope you got stung in the eyes by blinding snow while walking to work this morning like I did.
You thought that by wearing your clothes like a complete idiot, you could successfully impact the weather to your advantage and earn yourself a nice day off from work by virtue of snow. What you failed to realize is that there are no effing snow days in real life! So you probably woke up and thought to yourself, "ZOMG SNOW!! I DID IT!!!!!" And then you realized, "Holy shit, I'm 25, snow means absolutely nothing except that I have to wear boots to work today. That did not work out the way I thought it would at all." In real life, this is what is known as a "Grownup Fail."
So now that you've changed out of your asinine backwards pajamas and trudged through the snow to work, I invite you to take a listen to Cam'ron's ode to the 9-5, "I Hate My Job." If you believe you actually altered mother nature's plans by dressing like an ADHD 6-year-old, then I hope you hate your job like Killa Cam does so that your trek through the blizzard was extra painful. Hopefully the song will stick in your head long enough for you to subconsciously hum it while you're slogging through slush on your way home later.
And on the off chance that you participated in this asshat pajama ritual and actually did end up with a snow day today, then I invite you to go make snow angels on Lexington avenue. Way to ruin it for the rest of us.