Thursday, January 14, 2010
It's here! It's here! After a long, frigid week, a brand new episode Jersey Shore is finally here again!
I have no idea how many episodes are left, but this week the housemates are taking a road trip to Atlantic City, which seems to me like a last big hurrah before winding down to a finale. If that's the case, it's time to take a cue from Snooki and start living it up!
No more bitching out like Sammi and Ronnie - henceforth, every minute of Jersey Shore is your last (Yes, for now let's ignore the insanely awesome rumor that the entire cast is coming back for a second season). It's time to put on your bedazzled fleur de lis tee and creep like you've never creeped before! Battle that beat like your life depended on it! Get your GTL on every dam day! Suck the ever-lovin shit out of that Vlasic! For goodness sake punch someone in the damn face! These are the precious final moments - cherish them, people!
In that spirit, here's the Official Jersey Shore Drinking Game (or at least the one that about a dozen of us played last week). For authenticity, you can blend up some RonRon juice like we did - "Whenever that shit comes out, it's always a filthy night" - but all you really need is plenty of beer and a stash of liquor for the occasional shot. Happy fist pumping!
The Jersey Shore Drinking Game, Official Rules:
1. The names of all the housemates are put into a hat and each person draws one. If you're drinking with more than 6 people, just put the names back and draw again until everyone has their housemate. When your guido talks to the camera, take a drink.
2. If anyone actually calls Snooki "Snooki," finish your drink.
3. If they call her anything else - Snook, Shnooks, Snickers, Shnicks, Snicky-Snicky-Shnoiks, Shnookumspookums - it's a social.
4. If the housemates all sit down for family dinner, everybody does a toast and takes a healthy chug. Except for whoever has Sammi Sweetheart - she's excluded from chicken cutlet night. She also has to refill the cup of whoever has The Situation... that ungrateful Flintstone big toe havin' bitch.
5. When they fist pump, we fist pump. Any fist pumping battle scene starts a waterfall. Everyone drinks while fist pumping and doesn't stop doing either until there's no more fist pumping happening on screen.
6. And of course, no Jersey Shore drinking game would be complete without this BASEketball-inspired rule: Do a shot every time a fight breaks out!
Follow these rules and you'll be craving ham and water in no time. By all means feel free to add your own and let me know what you come up with. Just please don't invite any sort of zoo creatures to my Jersey Shore party.
Well, I'm wasted! Who wants to smush?