It really wouldn't be right if I neglected to mention at all the incredible story that happened here in New York City yesterday. Watching the flotilla of rescue boats and ferries drift down the frigid Hudson from my office window (and it was fuh fuh fucking fuh-reezing yesterday), with the tail of the Airbus A320 just barely poking out from the water like some kind of 21st century Great White robot, was a reminder that you never know what you're going to see happen on any given day, and of course that any day could be, you know, like, the end. Imagine strapping in for takeoff and within five minutes hearing the pilot tell you they're about to ditch. Exqueeze me, baking powder? Would I have been the only one quoting Carlin at this point? "Well, what exactly is a water landing? Am I mistaken, or does this sound somewhat similar to CRASHING INTO THE OCEAN!?" Then somehow, by the grace of Sexy Jesus, the pilot actually pulls it off, and you find yourself standing on the freaking plane wing, unable to feel your extremities, as you float down a goddamn river repeatedly punching yourself in the face to ensure that you are in fact still alive, all of this happening, once again, LESS THAN FIVE EFFING MINUTES AFTER TAKEOFF. And after it all ends, you find out that it was geese -TWO goddamn dirty rat bastard geese - that caused the whole thing. Are you kidding me? Would you ever fly again? Would you just say, "Eff it, let it ride - I'm floatin' my ass down to AC and putting my life savings on black?" I actually heard one news anchor say to the shaken up passenger he was interviewing something along the lines of, "So now you're really going to do something with your life, right?" Good gravy, man! Dude's just happy to be alive. The bottom line is this: It's really a miracle that everyone survived, and the pilot and crew deserve all the praise of heroism that gets thrown their way (after pulling off the must unlikely and death-defying maneuver of his flying life, the pilot went back after the rescue and rechecked the plane for survivors...twice). That all being said, I think this should serve as final notice that we need to eradicate Earth's goose population as soon as possible. Bird Strikes are real, and they're not going away. Obama, you've been warned. Now bring these feathered terrorist fucks to justice.
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