Another conversation with The Chad has yielded yet more inspiration.
Earlier today he remarked on the amazing amount of time that can be wasted at work by doing number 2s. In his case, his office is simply a small apartment shared only by him and his boss, so he faces a particularly unique predicament. In most office restroom scenarios, the dastardly deed is committed in a secure stall of anonymity. Not to mention you are almost guaranteed to be well out of range of your manager or coworkers, as well you should be in such a moment.
In The Chad's setup, however, when the boss looks up and sees the restroom occupied, there's only one man that can possibly be in there. My natural first question was, doesn't he fear the huge potential embarrassment in the event of a particularly symphonic movement? In my mind's eye I could see the hangdog look on his face when he responded with only, "Exactly," but as they say, necessity is the mother of invention.
"Thats why i've come up with an idea," he posited. "The musical toilet. A toilet that converts your farts, based on volume and duration, into more pleasant musical notes...This can also make giving blumpkins more appealing."
This is either insanely brilliant, or insanely insane. Would the toilet simply play single notes, or would there be full songs playing based on the tenor of your turds? I would imagine there would be some licensing issues to work through there. Would there be alternate models that played animal noises or hilarious cartoon sound effects instead of musical notes? Is there a USB port for your iPod so you can sync your shit? There are too many variables to account for right now, but The Chad is an engineer, so I am expecting a prototype some time in the near future.