Bonnaroo 2010 Webcasts, Streams & Free Music [Because You Can't Go]

Last night I went out for 10 cent wings with a buddy of mine who is heading to his first Bonnaroo today. He asked me if I had any tips for him. Here was my advice:

1. Hydrate.
2. Make friends with your neighbors.
3. Do Whatcha Wanna.

I also may or may not have emphasized the $1 popsicles at the Whole Foods Tent. I have to say, it was some of the best advice I've ever given. I shared a few of my favorite, "Things I Learned At Bonnaroo" stories, we slammed some wings and beers, and then I promptly skulked home in the rain and cried myself to sleep.

Okay, so Bonnaroo wasn't in the cards this year. Thankfully, there's an alternative to sitting in your underwear in a darkened room lit only by the lonely, gray glow of your laptop, staring misty-eyed at old pictures and clinging to memories of the great times you had while swilling Wild Turkey out of the bottle and listening to "Everybody Hurts" on repeat. There's a wealth of virtual 'Roo experiences available for us to at least attempt to enjoy the biggest festival of the summer without making the insanely long drive, losing our sandals in the mud, getting cooked out of our tents by the oppressive Tennessee sun, and brushing up against 80,000 of our crunchiest friends.

(Yes, I'm also pretending not to miss every single one of those things.)

First off, everyone's favorite pick-me-up: Free music! Via Spin and NPR, we've got a pair of mixes featuring some of this year's Bonnaroo artists, including Kings of Leon, the National, Phoenix, the Gaslight Anthem, Mumford & Sons, Tinariwen, Dan Deacon, the Black Keys, Ozomatli, and more.

Next, NPR is at it again. They will be streaming sets live from Bonnaroo all weekend long, from 1 p.m. to 3 a.m. Friday through Sunday, with several sets getting archived for on-demand listening. The list of 40+ artists already on the schedule is damn impressive, with more certainly to come.

Finally, my favorite discovery of this year's festival season so far: Live Video Webcasts! I enjoyed these greatly during Coachella and I'm psyched to report that the same will be happening at Bonnaroo on their official YouTube channel. Check out the full schedule below:

Friday, June 11th

Julia Nunes - 12: 15 pm - 1:15 pm
Neon Indian - 1:15 pm - 1:45 pm
Carolina Chocolate Drops - 1:45 pm - 3:00 pm
The Temper Trap - 3:00 pm - 3:30 pm
The Dodos - 3:30 pm - 4:00 pm
Damian Marley & Nas- 4:00 pm - 5:30 pm
Mayer Hawtorne and the Country - 5:30 pm - 5:45 pm
The National - 5:45 pm - 7:15 pm
Tori Amos - 7:15 pm - 8:00 pm
Michael Franti & Spearhead - 8:00 pm - 9:30 pm
Tenacious D - 9:30 pm - 11:00 pm

Saturday, June 12th

Punch Brothers ft. Chris Thile - 12:30 pm - 1:30 pm
Gaslight Anthem - 1:30 pm - 2:30 pm
Norah Jones - 2:30 pm - 4:00 pm
Trombone Shorty - 4:00 pm - 5:00 pm
Mumford & Sons - 5:00 pm - 6:00 pm
The Dead Weather - 6:00 pm - 7:30 pm
Umphrey's McGee - 7:30 pm - 7:55 pm
Jimmy Cliff - 7:55 pm - 9:25 pm
LCD Soundsystem - 9:25 pm - 10:55 pm
Kings of Leon - 10:55 pm - 11:30 pm
Jay -Z - 11:30 pm - 1:30 am

Sunday, June 13th

The Avett Brothers - 12:30 pm 1:45 pm
John Butler Trio - 1:45 pm - 3:00 pm
Regina Spektor - 3:00 pm - 4:00 pm
John Fogerty - 4:00 pm - 5:30 pm
Weezer - 5:30 pm - 6:30 pm
Zac Brown Band - 6:30 pm - 8:00 pm
Ween - 8:00 pm - 8:30 pm
Rise Against - 8:30 pm - 9:00 pm
Dave Matthews Band - 9:00 pm - 11:30 pm

So there you go--all the festival without all the hippies. A vicarious experience nearly as good as the real thing! Alright, I wish I were going too. Who's got my heady Wild Turkey?

Asher Roth "Lark On My Go-Kart" Video [Wherein Asher is the Blond Bob Saget]

Props to The Chad for putting me on to this video. I feel like I can relate to this young fella because I'm also a dork who still holds court. Well, that and I'm king of the blumpkins. Nooch.



Razor Ramon flow oh so sharp
You can take Kapowski, I'ma take Lark on my go-kart.

Friday Secret Stache Revealed!

The first ever installment of the Friday Secret Stache was truly a study of great moments in mustache history. Four years ago, almost to the day, someone showed up at AEPi fraternity house with a pack of stick-on mustaches, and a party was born. At the time I hoped that this night would be the catalyst for a bumper crop of upper lip growth, reviving a once-proud tradition of mustachioed fraternity men. It was not to be, but I continue to imagine the future reunion where the four of us return to UVA sporting real-life versions of the stick-on stand-ins seen here.
Here's a breakdown of the four staches and their owners:

Stache A: Eeyore sporting a near perfect Chevron - a classic style, matches his hair to a tee making it appear the most natural of the 4., clearly evocative of tremendous pride and satisfaction. Also looks most like aforementioned D-Day.






Stache B: Who has 2 thumbs and a lip curtain? Don't act like you're not impressed with my Lamp Shade. This style stache is comparable to a big black fuzzy caterpillar, known in some circles as a Dad Stache. As the son of a man who has proudly sported a soup strainer since his college heyday, this is an undergraduate mock-up of what I'm supposed to look like when I grow up.

Stache C: The only real name for this is the Schittstashe. Looks like something your grandfather might wear, especially if he's southern and goes by "Colonel." While we're on Colonel, there's the obligatory reference any time a white Petit Handlebar like this one comes out. Like both Colonels, Schittberg is a raving drunk, fights bouts of forgetfulness bordering on Alzheimers, and occasionally soils himself.

Stache D: The Chad's Handlebar shows why this style of stache has endured so long. Eccentricity and balls are both required to rock a proper 'bar, and many notables have hung this type of lip drapery because it so uniquely defines the personality and character of each wearer, setting him apart despite its familiar design. The multifaceted capabilities of the handlebar were embodied appropriately this night by The Chad. No doubt a bold individual, The Chad is also a true man about town - an athlete, socialite, showman, inventor, gentleman and scholar - whose many hats require the only lip accessory capable of matching them all.

Shit(ter) Happens

Another conversation with The Chad has yielded yet more inspiration.
Earlier today he remarked on the amazing amount of time that can be wasted at work by doing number 2s. In his case, his office is simply a small apartment shared only by him and his boss, so he faces a particularly unique predicament. In most office restroom scenarios, the dastardly deed is committed in a secure stall of anonymity. Not to mention you are almost guaranteed to be well out of range of your manager or coworkers, as well you should be in such a moment.
In The Chad's setup, however, when the boss looks up and sees the restroom occupied, there's only one man that can possibly be in there. My natural first question was, doesn't he fear the huge potential embarrassment in the event of a particularly symphonic movement? In my mind's eye I could see the hangdog look on his face when he responded with only, "Exactly," but as they say, necessity is the mother of invention.
"Thats why i've come up with an idea," he posited. "The musical toilet. A toilet that converts your farts, based on volume and duration, into more pleasant musical notes...This can also make giving blumpkins more appealing."
This is either insanely brilliant, or insanely insane. Would the toilet simply play single notes, or would there be full songs playing based on the tenor of your turds? I would imagine there would be some licensing issues to work through there. Would there be alternate models that played animal noises or hilarious cartoon sound effects instead of musical notes? Is there a USB port for your iPod so you can sync your shit? There are too many variables to account for right now, but The Chad is an engineer, so I am expecting a prototype some time in the near future.