Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Shaq takes his Twitter binge to another level [DUAN=Diesel Up All Night]

If your only reason to join Twitter was to follow the every move of our generation's most Shaqtastic entertainer (don't know who I could possibly have in mind), consider yourself justified. Just days after @THE_REAL_SHAQ validated his Twitter moniker by putting out an APB from a Phoenix Diner, the King of Twitteronia has outed himself to his subjects yet again, this time offering 2 tickets to the first person to touch him (yea, like, actually tag him) while cruising the Fashion Square Mall before the Suns' game in Charlotte. On Monday I praised the man for keeping it so real, and I still feel this way. However, a few hours after Shaq left the food court, things got a little bit too real. Weird, even.

The Big Shaqtus went on an early morning tweeting binge, posting a whopping 40 updates beginning at 3:13 this morning and continuing until 8:13. A large portion of his tweets were replies to a user called @Staxx09, with whom the Diesel was engaged in some sort of insomniac, pseudo-stalkerish flirt-fest that involved posting bizarre (but kinda hilarious) photoshops, creepy close-ups, and pictures of himself from Steel (which is always terrifying, let alone at 4am) and asking for @Staxx09's phone number before realizing that their entire conversation was happening publicly instead of privately via Direct Message (DM in Twitspeak). Sadly, many of the posts have been deleted from Shaq's timeline since he obviously realized their creeper status, but the RSS feed in my Google Reader tells no lies.

Deadspin said it after the mall tag post, but the up-all-night tweetfest is an even better indicator that someone probably needs to put the Big Fella in a Twitter Time Out for a day or two. Remember that Ben Wallace T-Mobile commercial where he's in the locker room on a cell phone call with his sweetie as his name is being introduced to the starting lineup? I feel like we're less than a week from this happening with Shaq on Twitter. He's already proven his willingness to take unnecessary, excessive risks with his phones in the name of tweeting, so how long will it really take for him to attempt to bring his Blackberry - sorry, Shaqberry - with him on the court? Problem is, who has the clout to tell Shaq Fu that his job is to play basketball and make hilarious commercials, not to watch the sun come up on the interwebs with tech geeks and friendless hipsters? @the_real_nash, you're the point guard, you run the show out there, right? This one is all you.

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