Phish Happens? [Rumors, Speculation and Hearsay]

You get a few hippies playing drums and next thing you know, you got yourself a colony.

Too early to speculate, but never to early to circulate unconfirmed, fact-free rumors. Thanks, Rolling Stone!

Bonnaroo, the East Coast’s premiere multi-day, multi-stage gathering of the vibes (held in Manchester, Tennessee from June 11th to 14th) usually doesn’t release its lineup until early February — but RollingStone.com hears from reliable sources close to Phish that the band will top the bill for two nights, restoring the fest to its jam-friendly roots ... Also being buzzed about with some legitimacy: Bruce Springsteen as Sunday night’s closer.

If true, this would definitively mean 2 things:

1. Let Cartman explain:

If we are to assume Cartman's theory is true (and when has little Eric ever been wrong?), the biggest jam band ever headlining 2 nights at the biggest jam band festival ever could truly be a hippie gathering the size of which we've never seen. It goes without saying that every hippie out there would reroute his tour-following convoy to descend upon Manchester, TN next June. If ever there were a chance for Cartman to round up all the hippies in the world and lock them in the proverbial basement, this would be it.


2. A dramatic sea change in the Bonnaroo crowd would occur. Bonnaroo is generally the one time of year when hippies and rednecks coexist, but Springsteen's northeast contingent would probably drive away a good portion of the jorts-wearers and mullet-heads who usually abound. The Bonnaroo crowd has changed as the band lineups have become more varied over the years, but a Phish/Springsteen headlining combo would create a completely different atmosphere than any 'Roo before. Both Phish and The Boss attract a vehement band of loyal followers, and each could command their own 100,000 person, 3-night festival (10 straight sold-out nights at Giants Stadium, anyone?). The battles between the noodlers and the fist-pumpers could truly be epic.

So, how do you guys feel about a Bruce Phishsteen Bonnaroo? Personally, I can't wait to see the look on those little Eichmann's faces when they get a taste of those crunchy grooves. (If you like music festivals, hippies, or things that are funny, do yourself a favor and watch this South Park. Just do it. Like right now.)

Assume the rumors are true and get your presale and VIP packages [Rolling Stone]
and your primo weed for the reunion [Stereogum]