the secret is out, I was right all along

Yesterday, as you may recall, I was left hung out to dry at my first ever office Secret Santa. I was actually really looking forward to coming to work today as a result, mostly because I figured there was a real shot I'd have to shake this guy down for my $15 (or generic gift of equal value). Fortunately, the entire morning went by with no sign of gift-giving, though Santa was clearly in the building. It seemed like an afternoon confrontation was imminent - I'd have to take matters into my own hands officially after lunch.

I took my break, came back and started instant message chatting with my brother to assess the situation. His idea was to email the Secret Santa organizer commending her for such a fun activity, then accept her gratitude before sending a second note saying that Secret Santa in fact sucked ass because I didn't get shit. At this very moment, still chuckling to myself, I felt a tap on my shoulder. My manager handed me a business card-sized red felt pouch. "From Secret Santa," she said. I eagerly tore into the pouch, nearly hyperventilating with excitement, and pulled out... Starbucks!
That's right! Just as I surmised yesterday, my approximate month of basically anonymous half-efforts here earned me $15 worth of coffee at a place I never go into from a person I never met. Not only that, but there was a totally blank "To:/From:/Amount" card alongside the gift card in the little red pouch. Thanks for personalizing my coffee, Dick-a-claus. The blank card bolsters my belief that he literally got his morning coffee, bought the gift card, stuck it in his pocket and continued down the street to the office. And did I mention that he didn't even hand it to me himself? Maybe he's just trying to protect my fragile little mind from the traumatic realization that Santa is made up. Or maybe he wants to remind me that Jews dont get to have Christmas. Well guess what, Secret Santa? I'm done with gifts and all of it. If you need me, I'll be fishing the Festivus pole out of the crawlspace.