I've been going back and forth over whether I should sign up and train for the Charlottesville Ten Miler on April 4. I'm always looking for another reason to go back to The University and relive the glory days, and usually the only way I can motivate myself to start exercising after a long period of Phelps-like inactivity and degeneration is to pony up the cash for an upcoming race and just sign up. Sad though it may be, I can only be moved from perpetual couch-sitting if I know I've got money tied up in the effort. It's one thing to be an out of shape slob when I have excuses at the ready, including but not limited to "it's colder than Eskimo taint outside," but it's an entirely different situation when I've got my hard earned money invested in my relatively ordinary simple human ability to place one foot in front of the other in somewhat speedy succession. And I know what you're thinking, you cheeky little buggers, that I should tweak "hard earned" just a bit to "half-assedly attained in between blogging and gchatting all goddamn day." Well it's still my money, damn it, and that's the point - once I've made the down payment on myself, there's no turning back. I'm training and running the motherfucker and getting my money's worth. I paid 30 bucks for this shit? You're goddamn right I'm getting my ass in shape to race all you fuckers. And don't skimp on the race pack either. I want my t-shirt and my medal, and I'll be a redneck Hokie if I don't get my gift bag filled with useless coupons, a LiveStrong bracelet, free samples of disgusting
Bottom line - signing up for a race is my only hope to start running again, and the Cville Ten Miler gives me that plus an excuse to go back to The Hook and revisit the power and the glory of college by buying rounds of dirt cheap shots and Natty Lights for underage coeds. Ten miles is no small undertaking, but as long as we're talking about living the dream, it should be noted that tomorrow morning at another fine ACC institution, over 5,000 people are expected to participate in NC State's 5th annual Krispy Kreme Challenge. Though not nearly as far as the Ten Miler, the Challenge probably better encapsulates the stereotypical college experience of engaging in asinine behaviors and traditions, throwing up all over yourself, and repeating it the next night. Observe the genius that is Krispy Kreme Challenge:
Beginning at the NC State Belltower, each runnerNow that is how you binge-and-rally like a true collegian. It should be safe to say this this is the only 4-mile race with an answer in the FAQ that reads "We can't techinically stop you from throwing up, and quite frankly, that's just part of the race." Thank goodness this mess is for a good cause, the NC Children's Hospital. This may explain why the minimum age requirement for the Krispy Kreme Challenge is 6, because the hospital is pretty much the only place you could end up if you attempted this as a freaking first-grader. More power to any kid that small who completes this challenge. You're going to make a fine undergraduate one day, son.
runs 2 miles to the Krispy Kreme store located
on Peace St. in Raleigh. After downing a full dozen
of the famous Krispy Kreme doughnuts, the runner
must run the two miles back. All in one hour.
The Krispy Kreme Challenge will have to wait for now. In the meantime, do I do this Ten Miler or what? Let me know what you think in the comments, especially if you've done it before. Perhaps we've finally found an occasion for the first ever Schiff Happens poll...