Happy Canada D-Eh!

That's right, today is Canada Day! Well, not here anyway. Here it's just stupid Thursday. But I assume our neighbors to the north are positively tickled in their flannel britches today, which is sort of like Canadian Fourth of July. Oh, Canada, you're so cute up there, with your hockey and your bacon and your French people. I know you think nobody respects you, but look at all the people out there who love Canada.

For example, an inexplicably popular, fatass American sportscaster loves Canada and its lax drug policies.



You know who else loves Canada? This highly spirited, possibly mentally challenged Hoser loves Canada.



Hell, even yours truly loves Canada. Well, at least "O Canada," my favorite national anthem, which was adopted as Canada's official national tune 30 years ago today, to which I say... really, only 30 years? What did they sing before curling matches and log rolling competitions in 1979?

So Canada, today we salute you, flapping heads, beady eyes, and all. Here's to Canada: America's Hat! And if you still believe the whole world is just ragging on you, well, for one day you can say, "Fuck you budday!" For one day, you get to stick it to us. So put on your finest formal wear, crack open a Labatt, and show the world what Canada is all aboot.

Being Canadian: >, <, or = Being Disabled? [They're not even a real country anyway]

I got caught in a Jaywalking moment at a party last weekend when I declared "O Canada" my favorite national anthem. I realize this is primarily because I'm obsessed with the South Park movie -- not the point. In defense of my choice, I said, "It's a simple tune but it's poetic, not too long and easy to sing." Then came my Leno-worthy blunder.

"Much easier than, uh... the one that we have..."

Then laughter. Specifically in my face and at me. In my defense, I did immediately remember the title of the STAR SPANGLED (EFFING)* BANNER.

*expletives added for emphasis. and fun.

This all got me thinking about other explanations for my appreciation of "O Canada," and served to up the hype for this year's edition of our annual MLB Barnstorming Tour: Northward, To Canada! The tradition has already produced its share of watershed moments, and the '09 edition is looking like it's going to be a winner as well. I started to wonder what pregame festivities Toronto would have to bust out to top the classics we've been lucky enough to experience-- I don't know that there's anything, but I've been proven wrong before.

Naturally, it wasn't long before I thought of the great Edmonton Oilers tradition of the home crowd singing the national anthem. It's eerie cool, and the video is worth watching for that alone. But this particular version vaults into Unintentionally Televised Unintentional Comedy Hall of Fame status at around the 0:55 mark. As the camera pans close up along the players on the bench, it winds up fixed squarely on a Molson-loaded Canuck in the front row, visible just over the shoulder of some Oiler player -- sorry, this is America, I can't be held accountable for hockey player identities -- belting out his loyalty to Canada like he wants everyone in the building to know all aboot it. I know they're pro athletes and they're in hyper focused playoff mode, but how does anyone keep their shit together with that going on not 3 feet away?



Meanwhile, if this video weren't hilarious enough (Mr. Canadian Cameraman, wherever you are, thank you), now go back and take a closer look at Number 10 standing behind the plate in the Disability Day national anthem video...

Tell me that's not the same hoser from the front row in Edmonton! They match in every respect, from physical looks to over-excitedly Hulking Up at the end of their respective anthems. Get that guy off the field! He's not disabled -- he's just Canadian!

Alright, so you can understand how the Disability Awareness Day organizers might have missed that one...