Gogol Bordello likes very much the kissing

Gogol Bordello are touring the world with Primus in support of their fifth album (and major label debut), Transcontinental Hustle, and I have never been so excited to attend a gypsy punk freakout rock show. Watch the awesomely trippy video for Pala Tute and feel your mustache growing by the second.



Carnival is comin'
All guitars are strummin'
And says old hitano "Boy, forget about the bling
Here is a guitarra
For you little chavo
If you slave to kissing,You gotta play this thing"

Primus / Gogol Bordello
The Williamsburg Waterfront, Brooklyn, NY

Fri, Jul 30, 2010 05:30 PM

Does the Jersey Shore have a Shark Situation?

First Humpbacks, now sharks? Snooki's gonna need a bigger boat.

Alright, so it's not the Matawan Man-Eater of 1916 that inspired Jaws, but there have been three shark sightings this week along a five-mile stretch of beach in Ocean County where Schiff Happens and Co. can often be found every summer. But rest easy, friends! The 21-year-old hungover lifeguard says there's no need to fear:

"Yes, there are really sharks out there," Seaside Park lifeguard C.J. Ratshin, 21, wearily told the one of the "tons of people coming up and asking if the sharks will eat them."

Raising his voice to be heard over news helicopters buzzing the beach in vain attempts to spot the long-gone sharks, Ratshin told bathers, "the sharks won’t eat you if you don’t step on them."

Well then. Carry on.

I can only assume that the Jersey Shore sharks out there have been reading The Sexy Armpit this month and saw their shot at the spotlight. Either that or they're getting ready for Shark Week like the rest of us. Speaking of which, how badly do you wish you worked in the Discovery Channel building right now?

Happy Canada D-Eh!

That's right, today is Canada Day! Well, not here anyway. Here it's just stupid Thursday. But I assume our neighbors to the north are positively tickled in their flannel britches today, which is sort of like Canadian Fourth of July. Oh, Canada, you're so cute up there, with your hockey and your bacon and your French people. I know you think nobody respects you, but look at all the people out there who love Canada.

For example, an inexplicably popular, fatass American sportscaster loves Canada and its lax drug policies.



You know who else loves Canada? This highly spirited, possibly mentally challenged Hoser loves Canada.



Hell, even yours truly loves Canada. Well, at least "O Canada," my favorite national anthem, which was adopted as Canada's official national tune 30 years ago today, to which I say... really, only 30 years? What did they sing before curling matches and log rolling competitions in 1979?

So Canada, today we salute you, flapping heads, beady eyes, and all. Here's to Canada: America's Hat! And if you still believe the whole world is just ragging on you, well, for one day you can say, "Fuck you budday!" For one day, you get to stick it to us. So put on your finest formal wear, crack open a Labatt, and show the world what Canada is all aboot.

See Another 'Jersey Shore' Trailer [And Today Just Got Better]

Never before has one trailer given so much, with so little.

MTV Shows

"Did I bang Snooki last night?"

Oh Vinny, if I had a nickel.....

Happy July, everyone! Only 28 days to get your GTL on before the guidos are back in our lives. Keep those new rules coming for the Official Jersey Shore Drinking Game and as always, watch out for grenades.

Via [MTV]

ZOMG It's a New Jersey Humpback!

And I don't mean Snooki. HEYOOO!!

FOR REALZ you guys, whales down the Jersey Shore. Amazing!

Saw it at fuckyeahnj. Pics and video via The Jersey Shore Online.

Bonnaroo 2010 Webcasts, Streams & Free Music [Because You Can't Go]

Last night I went out for 10 cent wings with a buddy of mine who is heading to his first Bonnaroo today. He asked me if I had any tips for him. Here was my advice:

1. Hydrate.
2. Make friends with your neighbors.
3. Do Whatcha Wanna.

I also may or may not have emphasized the $1 popsicles at the Whole Foods Tent. I have to say, it was some of the best advice I've ever given. I shared a few of my favorite, "Things I Learned At Bonnaroo" stories, we slammed some wings and beers, and then I promptly skulked home in the rain and cried myself to sleep.

Okay, so Bonnaroo wasn't in the cards this year. Thankfully, there's an alternative to sitting in your underwear in a darkened room lit only by the lonely, gray glow of your laptop, staring misty-eyed at old pictures and clinging to memories of the great times you had while swilling Wild Turkey out of the bottle and listening to "Everybody Hurts" on repeat. There's a wealth of virtual 'Roo experiences available for us to at least attempt to enjoy the biggest festival of the summer without making the insanely long drive, losing our sandals in the mud, getting cooked out of our tents by the oppressive Tennessee sun, and brushing up against 80,000 of our crunchiest friends.

(Yes, I'm also pretending not to miss every single one of those things.)

First off, everyone's favorite pick-me-up: Free music! Via Spin and NPR, we've got a pair of mixes featuring some of this year's Bonnaroo artists, including Kings of Leon, the National, Phoenix, the Gaslight Anthem, Mumford & Sons, Tinariwen, Dan Deacon, the Black Keys, Ozomatli, and more.

Next, NPR is at it again. They will be streaming sets live from Bonnaroo all weekend long, from 1 p.m. to 3 a.m. Friday through Sunday, with several sets getting archived for on-demand listening. The list of 40+ artists already on the schedule is damn impressive, with more certainly to come.

Finally, my favorite discovery of this year's festival season so far: Live Video Webcasts! I enjoyed these greatly during Coachella and I'm psyched to report that the same will be happening at Bonnaroo on their official YouTube channel. Check out the full schedule below:

Friday, June 11th

Julia Nunes - 12: 15 pm - 1:15 pm
Neon Indian - 1:15 pm - 1:45 pm
Carolina Chocolate Drops - 1:45 pm - 3:00 pm
The Temper Trap - 3:00 pm - 3:30 pm
The Dodos - 3:30 pm - 4:00 pm
Damian Marley & Nas- 4:00 pm - 5:30 pm
Mayer Hawtorne and the Country - 5:30 pm - 5:45 pm
The National - 5:45 pm - 7:15 pm
Tori Amos - 7:15 pm - 8:00 pm
Michael Franti & Spearhead - 8:00 pm - 9:30 pm
Tenacious D - 9:30 pm - 11:00 pm

Saturday, June 12th

Punch Brothers ft. Chris Thile - 12:30 pm - 1:30 pm
Gaslight Anthem - 1:30 pm - 2:30 pm
Norah Jones - 2:30 pm - 4:00 pm
Trombone Shorty - 4:00 pm - 5:00 pm
Mumford & Sons - 5:00 pm - 6:00 pm
The Dead Weather - 6:00 pm - 7:30 pm
Umphrey's McGee - 7:30 pm - 7:55 pm
Jimmy Cliff - 7:55 pm - 9:25 pm
LCD Soundsystem - 9:25 pm - 10:55 pm
Kings of Leon - 10:55 pm - 11:30 pm
Jay -Z - 11:30 pm - 1:30 am

Sunday, June 13th

The Avett Brothers - 12:30 pm 1:45 pm
John Butler Trio - 1:45 pm - 3:00 pm
Regina Spektor - 3:00 pm - 4:00 pm
John Fogerty - 4:00 pm - 5:30 pm
Weezer - 5:30 pm - 6:30 pm
Zac Brown Band - 6:30 pm - 8:00 pm
Ween - 8:00 pm - 8:30 pm
Rise Against - 8:30 pm - 9:00 pm
Dave Matthews Band - 9:00 pm - 11:30 pm

So there you go--all the festival without all the hippies. A vicarious experience nearly as good as the real thing! Alright, I wish I were going too. Who's got my heady Wild Turkey?

Jersey Shore Season 2 Preview [Fist Pumping]

Jersey Shore returns to MTV on July 29, but thankfully we don't have to wait that long for our first look at Season 2. Courtesy of Vulture, here's the full first segment of Episode 1. Nearly 15 minutes of fist-pumping fury, highlights of which include:

Sitch Sorentino and Pauly D vs. Shnooks and JenniWoww in a road trip race to Miami. Each team of super best friends wants first pick of rooms. Only one duo will emerge victorious, presumably when the other loses control of the car while applying a fresh coat of bronzer and explodes in a hairspray-fueled fireball.

Sammi and Ronnie broke up! How completely unexpected! We did not see this coming! As they down the RonRon juice, Ronnie's boys tell him to give the other guys shit for the "double baggers" they bring home.

Snooks has a gorilla juicehead boyfriend of her very own! She cooks him dinner! ("How many balls do you want? I want two. In my face." Because she's cooking meatballs! Snookums is punny!) They are totally in love after two blissful months together and she says she doesn't want to cheat. She definitely will after a few shots of SoCo, she says, but not because she wants to.

Trashbags returns! Angelina has apparently stayed in touch with The Situation and Pauly D, who she may or may not have sexed, and is heading down to Miami for her second chance at lifelong friendships and memories reality whore superstardom. Her first stop on the road to redemption: A Brazilian wax. That'll show those jealous bitches who keeps it classy.

Snooki discovers fried pickles at a diner in Georgia. World, ROCKED.

And also Vinny was there or something.

Watch the video and get (fist) pumped. July 29 will be here before you know it, so get your GTL on and stay fresh to death. I'll be here getting some new rules together for the Jersey Shore Drinking Game. Be sure to send in your suggestions!

Watch the 2010 MTV Movie Awards at MTV.com!

Friday Jams: Andre 3000 does The Beatles, new Kanye & Eminem, more

Did your short week not feel quite so short? Neither did mine, but screw that--It's Friday! Sweet, sweet Friday! To keep your spirits high and your weekend bumpin, we're kicking out the Friday Jams because, well, that's just what we do around here.

First up, Andre 3000 gets his Beatle on in Nike's new Kobe Bryant spot. Really glad to see Ewing's signature Garden pump-up make it into the mix.



Next, new joints from two of rap's finest.
Kanye West (thankfully) gets back to rapping on "Power," likely the first single off of his upcoming new album Good Ass Job. Welcome back, Mr. Gay Fish, and huge props for the King Crimson (!) sample. Meanwhile, Eminem's new album, Recovery, drops June 22 and features this jam with Pink called "Won't Back Down."

Speaking of hip-hop giants, Nas has been at it for 20 years (we're old) and Steady Bloggin is celebrating with an exhaustive year-by-year breakdown of the best verses of his career, accompanied by a mix called 20 Years 20 Verses. (Incidentally, I'm trying to hit up Nas & Damian Marley at the Williamsburg Waterfront in Brooklyn on July 31 if any of you care to join me.)

Finally, B.o.B and Lupe Fiasco jump in on Janelle Monáe's "Tightrope." The last time Schiff Happens was in a room with Bobby Ray and Lu, the party positively jumped off. This track is equally dope.

Recently, we heard rumors that two Schiff Happens favorites may have cosmically collided over the winter. However, while tales of Springsteen roaming the same halls as Sitch Sorentino, DJ Pauly D, and The Grenade are completely unsubstantiated, The Boss truly did appear on this favorite show of mine.

What is (the one night I fail to watch) Jeopardy?

Via Fuckyeahtheboss (again, I really can't emphasize enough the awesomeness of Tumblr), check out last night's Springsteen Jeopardy clues. How much richer would your Boss knowledge have made you? I certainly would have made it a true daily double.

For those who missed the Bruce Springsteen category on Jeopardy:

• $200 - After a 1976 gig in Memphis, Bruce scaled the wall of this music icon’s home and was busted by a security guard.
• $400 - In July 1984, this Boss album began a 7-week stay atop the charts, it stayed on the survey for 139 week
• $600 - In an unprecedented move in 1975, these 2 rival magazines both featured cover stories on Bruce.
• $800 - On August 11, 1989, Bruce joined this noted drummer onstage for 4 songs, including “With A Little Help From My Friends.”
• $1000 - Bruce’s 2006 album “We Shall Overcome” paid tribute to this folk music legend who turned 87 that year.

There also non-Springsteen related categories entitled “The Boss” and “Born To ‘Run.’”

"Is there anybody alive out there?!?"

Newark: A Great Place to Visit...If You're A Bullet

Just in time for Memorial Day, from the New Jersey Department of Tourism: Still unsure of your holiday weekend travel plans? Head on out to picturesque Newark! It's totally safe to visit - We just had our first murder-free month in 44 years!



Welcome to Newark!
Homeless people, hookers, and crack bums
There's nowhere they won't poo.

Props to The Sexy Armpit. Always doing Jersey proud, Jay.