It's (almost, ok not really but pretty much) official!

Half of Cartman's doomsday scenario seems more and more likely to be a go, as reports of Phish's reunion tour dates continue to pop up around the intertubes (if not yet on the band's official web site). See dates listed below, this from Rolling Stone:

Those with keen eyes will notice a bit of a gap between the Asheville show on June 9th and the St. Louis show on June 16th. Is it any coincidence that this year’s Bonnaroo will take place June 11th through 14th, in the town of Manchester, Tennessee which is conveniently situated between Asheville and St. Louis? Despite sources telling Rock Daily Phish will appear at the fest, no official ‘Roo announcements have been made — the initial lineup will be revealed February 3rd — but it’s looking like a safe bet that Phish will be headlining two nights of the festival.

NICE! Once The Boss is officially on board (disclaimer: nothing's official until that February 3 announcement), I will be as well. Who wants to get in on the RV?

Reported Phish tour dates thus far (I would expect more to follow):
March 6-8 – Hampton, Virginia @ Hampton Coliseum
June 4-5 - Wantagh, NY @ Jones Beach
June 6 – Mansfield, MA @ Great Woods Amphitheatre (Comcast Center)
June 7 – Camden, NJ
June 9 – Asheville, NC
June 16 – St. Louis, MO
June 18 – Burgettstown, PA
June 19 – Noblesville, IN
June 20-21 – East Troy, WI

Phish Reunion Tour Takes Shape [Rolling Stone]

Phish Happens? [Rumors, Speculation and Hearsay]

You get a few hippies playing drums and next thing you know, you got yourself a colony.

Too early to speculate, but never to early to circulate unconfirmed, fact-free rumors. Thanks, Rolling Stone!

Bonnaroo, the East Coast’s premiere multi-day, multi-stage gathering of the vibes (held in Manchester, Tennessee from June 11th to 14th) usually doesn’t release its lineup until early February — but RollingStone.com hears from reliable sources close to Phish that the band will top the bill for two nights, restoring the fest to its jam-friendly roots ... Also being buzzed about with some legitimacy: Bruce Springsteen as Sunday night’s closer.

If true, this would definitively mean 2 things:

1. Let Cartman explain:

If we are to assume Cartman's theory is true (and when has little Eric ever been wrong?), the biggest jam band ever headlining 2 nights at the biggest jam band festival ever could truly be a hippie gathering the size of which we've never seen. It goes without saying that every hippie out there would reroute his tour-following convoy to descend upon Manchester, TN next June. If ever there were a chance for Cartman to round up all the hippies in the world and lock them in the proverbial basement, this would be it.


2. A dramatic sea change in the Bonnaroo crowd would occur. Bonnaroo is generally the one time of year when hippies and rednecks coexist, but Springsteen's northeast contingent would probably drive away a good portion of the jorts-wearers and mullet-heads who usually abound. The Bonnaroo crowd has changed as the band lineups have become more varied over the years, but a Phish/Springsteen headlining combo would create a completely different atmosphere than any 'Roo before. Both Phish and The Boss attract a vehement band of loyal followers, and each could command their own 100,000 person, 3-night festival (10 straight sold-out nights at Giants Stadium, anyone?). The battles between the noodlers and the fist-pumpers could truly be epic.

So, how do you guys feel about a Bruce Phishsteen Bonnaroo? Personally, I can't wait to see the look on those little Eichmann's faces when they get a taste of those crunchy grooves. (If you like music festivals, hippies, or things that are funny, do yourself a favor and watch this South Park. Just do it. Like right now.)

Assume the rumors are true and get your presale and VIP packages [Rolling Stone]
and your primo weed for the reunion [Stereogum]